so let's talk penis.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
