There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out