i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat