Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided