Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
