He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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