yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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