My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize