I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
