So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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