Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
