Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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