whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
