why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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