shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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