Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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