Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
