3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
