Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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