i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
