Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
