I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
