I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
