Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
