New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
