it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
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