I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
