Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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