Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
