she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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