jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
