are you so shy because you have an std?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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