i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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