I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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