I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
