theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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