Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Your cock deserves a montage
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Randomize
