The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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