Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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