So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
