there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
