how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize