this boner is exhausting
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
