you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
