Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
