Non-Jews are for practice
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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