So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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