I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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