He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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