He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
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When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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