Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
