ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Randomize
