hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize