it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
