why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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