I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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