Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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