Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
