we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
