I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
