ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
