True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
