pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
