Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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