i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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