obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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