Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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