I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
