Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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