Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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